How hypnotherapy and hypnosis works.
Confidence is a state of mind.
So you might think that your low self-esteem is just naturally how you are.
At some point in your life you have learned to feel this way, even if it was so long ago that you can’t remember why or how.
Low self-esteem - where does it come from?
Your low self-esteem may be from something further back than you can remember.
You might have had critical parents, a partner who always put you down, teachers who didn’t believe in you, or may have been bullied at school.
Low self-esteem - what does it feel like?
You feel like nothing is ever good enough however hard you try.
Outwardly to the world you can be a rip-roaring success, but inside you can feel a failure, ashamed of yourself, like an imposter even.
Check if any of the following apply to you:
- You constantly give in to others
- You don’t talk because you believe you won’t be heard
- You feel you have to constantly keep the peace
- Tread carefully around others in fear of upsetting them, regardless of your feelings
- You don’t say what you really think, only what you think others want to hear
- You feel like the weaker partner in relationships
- You feel like you don’t deserve success
Low self-esteem - unlearn it.
Over the years we become what we tell ourselves. Self-fulfilling prophecies. So why not learn to tell yourself new, different things?
Together with looking at your Cognitive Behaviour (how you think, feel and act) and with hypnotherapy we’ll look at how you currently deal with patterns of thought and habits and if there are better ways. This in turn will aid you to have more helpful conversations with yourself.
Let’s look at some automatic thoughts that are currently hardwired in you and how we can change them.
“Everything goes badly for me.”
Why not say, “Somethings go badly for me, just as they do for everyone else, but some things go well”?
“If I’m not good at something I’d rather not do it at all.”
Let’s change that to, “OK, it might not go as well as I wanted, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be any good at all. I can’t expect to get everything 100% right all the time. I’ll never be satisfied.”
In other words, let’s get you to be more Tigger and knock the Eyeore out of the park.
Low self-esteem and your day-to-day behaviour.
Together we’ll also look at your current thoughts, action and feelings in your lifestyle.
This is sometimes known as TED – Tiredness, Exercise and Diet.
For example, with tiredness we need to look sleep patterns (8 hours per night, regular times and your self-discipline), possibly keeping a diary.
Regarding exercise. This isn’t about becoming a gym bunny, an Arnie, or something from the front of a health magazine. It’s simply that the first step to any kind of exercise is your mental state. You want to exercise not to torture yourself, but to make yourself feel good. Do things that you enjoy. Find the fun in it.
We also need to look at what you eat and drink. The quality and the quantity. Low self-esteem can be linked to overeating, bad diets, snacking, drug taking and smoking. Together we need to look at this.
Low self-esteem - now what?
What we are working on together is exploring the impact of your very core beliefs, the underlying assumptions you’ve made about the way you live your life, and how it makes you feel.
Then with hypnotherapy we’ll look to change your existing cognitive behaviour (how you think, feel and act) for the better.
We’re going to practice being good to you. Stop the criticising.
Practice, practice, practice until we get a new better you.
James Thomas is a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist based in Lincolnshire. He runs The Gentle Mind Hypnotherapy Ltd.
He believes we are what we tell ourselves. That when we relax we are kinder to ourselves.